Tuesday, April 24, 2012

A to Z Honesty - U is for under stuff



Under the weather. That's me! Sick! Fecking head cold arrives fecking days before my much anticipated spring fishing trip. Even though I felt like crap on a stick yesterday I went to work because we're extremely short-staffed at the moment and they needed me and all my mucousy magic.

I felt crappy but was getting the work done as per usual, thanks to some snot-stifling Daytime Tylenol Cold, guaranteed to be non-drowsy. All was good until about 3:30 p.m. when I realized I had been sleeping at my desk for an unknown quantity of time. Seriously. Soundly sleeping. There was drool on my desktop. I woke myself up when I started to snore.



Under, over, under, feck. I picked up my new glasses yesterday! YAY for new glasses! Ever since I had my cataracts removed I've been living with cheap dime store cheater-glasses. Can't read a bloody thing without 'em. A couple weeks ago I went to the optometrist and got fitted for some proper bi-focals. Because, in case I haven't mentioned it before, I'M FECKING OLD.

I figured, since I would be wearing these new glasses 24/7, that I wouldn't cheap out on them. Cheap - HA! These glasses cost more than our car. (Our old winter beater car, by the way. You didn't think they were gold plated, did you?) They have progressive bi-focals so you can't see the line; they have a non-glare coating to make night driving easier; they go from dark in the sunlight to perfectly clear inside (my eyes are so much more sensitive to sunlight since the operation); and the frames themselves are frameless, state-of-the-art fecking ridiculously expensive Silhouette thingeys. These glasses are so cool that the lady at the optometrist office was fairly drooling when I came to pick them up. "Some day," she said, wiping the corner of her mouth, "I want a pair like that." For a moment I was hoping she was talking about my boobs. Then I remembered gravity. Fecking gravity. Fecking saggy underinflated boobs. Like birthday balloons six weeks after the birthday.

So these are fancy glasses. Fancy EXPENSIVE glasses. They slice, dice and julienne fries. But can I SEE through them? HA! If I hold my neck the right way. If I look UNDER them a little and then OVER them a lot. It seems like there is a tiny area that is perfect for reading and if I don't look through that exact pinprick of a point, everything is blurry. No, that's not true. It's not blurry, it's FECKING blurry.



Under the weather part deux. It's snowing this morning. Snow. Reeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaally. And, like Forrest Gump and his box of fecking chocolates, that's all I'm going to say about THAT.

55 comments:

  1. I was watching the weather report and saw ON was supposed to be hit with snow! I'm spending the day calling all my friends up there and laughing!! haha sorry

    ReplyDelete
  2. I had flu virus or some other nonsense for a week and a half, so I totally empathize, sympathize and all that. Just about the time I wanted my husband to have me put down at the vet's, I started feeling better. Hope you're over the under-the-weather sooner than that! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your husband wasn't going to take you to the vet, was he? (I'd be watching over my shoulder if I were you)

      Delete
  3. Under the weather and under the snow. Not a good day for Cathy. I hope you feel better, and that you don't have to shovel.

    ReplyDelete
  4. You made me laugh right out loud on the boobs and glasses story.

    Sorry you were sick. I have had a similar cold for about 2 weeks and it left me with a cough. Must be going around. Fatigue was one of the symptoms.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, sorry you were sick too. I'm glad fatigue could be one of the symptoms (I almost fell asleep again today - I've been worried I might be pregnant.)

      Delete
  5. Snow??? I guess I won't mention my balmy weather, although if it makes you feel any better I will say that my cold is BACK...the one I thought had LEFT for good.
    I wear progressive bifocals (cause I'm old too). If it's your first pair, you won't be able to see for about a week, then you won't notice blur...unless they started the progressive up too high. Then you have a problem.
    Enjoy your snow-fishing! *gigglesnort*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're enjoying this just a bit too much Mrs. Eno! I do hope you get over that pesky cold again. Honestly, isn't being sick just the most ridiculous thing????
      And the weather is supposed to be cool but sunny this weekend. Woo HOOOOOO! Can hardly wait!

      Delete
  6. Hope you're feeling better. That snow certainly doesn't help. I need some new glasses myself, but I've been putting it off, probably because I can't help feeling that my experience will be similar to yours.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It wore them all day long, Tim, and I have to admit it's improving. I may have to get specific reading glasses for work but I am loving my bifocals for everything else.

      Delete
  7. Feel better soon and don't cough in my direction! My glasses do all those things but are now quite old and I'm probably overdue for new ones - wouldn't go without the transitions ever again - love it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So glad to hear it, Jeannie! I'm encouraged! :)

      Delete
  8. sending you a little of our sun today.... its a lovely day here and Im making the most of it, it will be pissing down tomorrow

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks John. I am hoping your sweet little Mabel gets feeling better soon. I am so worried about that cutie-pie.

      Delete
  9. We got really lucky here at the Jersey Shore this year, we didn't have one snow day, all winter.

    I hate getting used to new glasses. It's never a fun adjustment period. Hope you feel better soon!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Jaybird! I hope you're feeling better, too. Hugs!

      Delete
  10. Well can I identify or what? I have the Silhouette glasses, one pair for the computer and one pair of bifocals. You simply can't use the computer with bi focals unless you want your neck permanently in traction. A few months ago I needed new reading glasses but the prescription for distance hadn't changed so now I have three pair of glasses..computer..reading and bifocals for watching tv and driving (I have to admit they are handy on shopping day). Sadly, my optometrist doesn't carry the silhouettes anymore because they are so fragile and break so often. (experience there) Regardless, they are so comfortable I was sorry I couldn't get them again.
    Anyhooo..sorry you are feeling tough. Hope you are reasonably recovered for your fishing trip. Don't drop those new glasses over the side.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. THANK YOU DELORES! See? These comments are SO helpful! I am thinking your advice about special computer glasses is excellent. I did try to persevere with my bi-focals all day but I looked like a goldurned giraffe. A sore neck is not worth it. Will keep the readers I have specifically for the computer. Thanks! oxoxoxo

      Delete
  11. Gosh, what a sickly lot we are! I, too, am sniffling and snuffling as my boomerang-cold (....because it KEEPS COMING BACK!!) takes it's toll on me.

    I have varifocal lenses in my glasses - it was 'interesting' for the first few days getting used to them! Going up and down stairs was something that I had to be careful to take my time over as I learned which part of the lens to look through. Other than the 'nodding dog' syndrome (you can always tell a 'newbie' wearing these sort of glasses as they rock their head up and down trying to find the best focus!) I'm happy enough with them, although I'm due a new prescription....

    (and Cathy, you know that anything to do with eyes is currently traumatic in this household!)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maybe we have some kind of internet virus - it's the only reasonable explanation for why everyone is sick! (Nodding dogs - HAR!)

      Hugs to you and all those eye problems. oxoxo

      Delete
  12. Uff-da. That's quite a day. Did you go home after the nap? Enjoy your new eye wear!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yup, went home after my work nap and had a home nap. Geez...

      Delete
  13. Get well and keep blogging, only a few more to go!

    ReplyDelete
  14. I need new glasses but I've been putting off getting them. I hate the whole process - my prescription is so bad that I can only wear certain kinds of frames and it's just not fun. I thought about doing that laser surgery stuff but I'm too much of a chicken.

    Feel better soon! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Madeline, your only hope is to grown some nice juicy cataracts - then you get "lasered" for free! (Well, that's if you have great health insurance or live in Cancukville.)

      Delete
    2. Oh, I meant to say that a friend of mine paid a great deal of money to have her eyes lasered and she said it was the best money she ever spent.

      Delete
  15. Oh, you are grumpy today. I know it's the cold in your head and on your plants. You will LOVE those progressives very soon.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Snow? So not fair.
    Living with contacts right now. Hoping my eyes hold out for reading a bit longer.
    Hope you feel better.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Alex J. Cavanaugh, I feel so GUILTY! You have paid me a visit almost every single day of this A to Z Challenge and you're busier than a one-armed paperhanger... and yet I haven't been to your house hardly at all! (See? That's why you're the ninja.. cause you're the best.)

      Delete
  17. We had all of 10 inches of snow this winter. And of course, it fell while I was supervising a cub scout adventure 12 miles back in the state forest.

    It's a damn good thing I love these fecking kids. :)

    And I too am getting new glasses.... someday.... and then maybe I will have something down about the deflated boobs...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL - you couldn't PAY me enough to be a cub scout leader. You rock, Juli!

      Delete
  18. I'm really sorry your sick. I hope you get better soon. I haven't seen snow at all this year and I kinda miss it...kinda. I was really jealous of your glasses and your boobs until you said you couldn't see through them. I hope that's sorted soon.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. *jealous of my boobs*... BUAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Obviously you haven't SEEN my boobs, Clarissa!!!!
      *laughing like a loon here*

      Delete
  19. I should be clearer however, when I said I hope you see through "them" soon, I wasn't talking about your boobs. I know it was written that way but that's just because I'm a bad writer.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yah, yah, try to talk your way outta THIS one... you're jealous of my boobs!!! HAHAHAHAHA!

      Delete
  20. You have snow? Crazy weather!

    Feel better soon, btw.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Snow! Feck is right. And as for those glasses: When I first needed bifocals (!) I got the progressive type and nearly progressed myself head first down a flight of stairs, because I couldn't figure out which part to look through. So, good luck with that! We grow old, we grow old . . .

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I guess the alternative to growing old isn't worth thinking about but, damn - a flight of stairs? Not the way one wants to say farewell cruel world, is it? On the other hand I swerved to miss a turkey yesterday morning. Can you imagined if I swerved into oncoming traffic? Death by turkey. Put it on the tombstone.

      Delete
  22. LO. like it here. think I"ll settle in for a cup of coffee.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh! Yes, Sandra, please! I've got the "really good stuff," Muskoka maple, made by a local roastery. It costs a firstborn child for every package but damned if it isn't good stuff. Here, hold out your mug...

      Delete
  23. I know how much those glasses cost since I have to buy all that stuff also. Man does it add up. I made the mistake last time of getting the ugly frames and regret it so much. They just aren't me and so I only wear my glasses from before that are wire frames. I wonder if Medicare pays for glasses? I want some just like yours. Not kidding.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. See? I've done that before, Ruby. Gotten the cheap frames and regretted it every moment thereafter. Now that glasses are going to be a regular fixture on my face I wanted something I like. And yah, they were stupidly expensive but, oh well. Save your pennies, Rubye. Like the Spice Girls are wont to say, get what you want, what you really, really want.

      Delete
    2. I meant to say, also, that the Canadian healthcare system doesn't pay for glasses or contacts. Unless you're on welfare or some kind of a pension. (And I ask myself yet again, WHY am I working???? LOL)

      Delete
  24. You're just awesome. I don't have words for you!
    I hope you feel better soon, I'm sure you will.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Colds make a person (well this one at least) feel vile, out of all proportion to the severity of the ailment. I know I am not going to die - but it does seem the only feasible way out of snotty misery.
    And speaking of snotty (and I am moving into TMI territory fast), I was taught that matter can neither be created nor destroyed. IF this is true why, after three days of consistent nose blowing and eye watering, why am I not three stone lighter? Humph.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! I have no idea, EC, never was very good at physics, but I know one thing for sure - YOU are a very funny girl!

      Delete
  26. Sorry you're under the weather, but hopefully not under the snow ^__^ Take care, lots of warm drinks and wrap up.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Helen! Nah, that bad white stuff has practically all melted. It's still chilly outside but the weatherman says things are looking up! *drinking hot coffee as we speak*

      Delete
  27. I don't use the bifocal part of my glasses so I don't know why I have bifocals...but the doctor did it. Hope you feel better. I always wonder if someone did a lot of hanging upside down like on one of those things in the gym, would gravity be defeated? Thankfully, I am one of those people who had a AAA bra at 15 and only got past A when I had children. I still remember the uncomfortable feeling when I realized the store clerk was looking at my breasts...my rock hard....milk inflated .....almost leaking breasts. Hahaha! The joke was on him

    ReplyDelete

How's it going, eh? It's SO good to hear from you. Tell me every darn thing...